When I was pubescent I started to discovered the loose structure of logic..
The fact that I could "logically" paint myself into corners, from which I couldn't act unless I broke the rules of my logic.
I read some interesting books, "Sexpol" by Wilhem Reich, he debunks his contemporary Freud and monogamy as an institution. Reich makes a compelling argument for classic virginal marriage as the institution that suppresses sexual attraction and drives it out of respectable public sphere and into the seedy world of prostitution, where the sexual behaviors are over concentrated on a few public servants, and disease transmission is facilitated.
I found these theories compelling and was curious, so I tried open-relations*.
I suppressed jealousy, as it was universally recognized as bad, mythically bad!
Suppression didn't work for me, It twisted me up, as I pretended not to feel jealous, the reality of the jealous grew unchecked,,
So I realised that jealousy was a real feeling to respect, to listen to, to know myself with. This way it would not torment me. I could recognize it and gracefully/intentionally resolve my problems.
I latter would discover that anger too, was an important indicator of how I felt, and that shouldn't be suppressed either. Suppression of anger was like trying to contain a geyser. It just builds greater and greater till it overcomes the forces suppressing it, and explodes.
It was the persistent goading of a jealous friend, with whom we shared a lover, that helped me discover the value of recognizing and intentionally/gracefully releasing my anger. When I suppressed my anger; I seethed inside and started to plot for the first time in my life, I boiled inside and though I could carry the burning caustic brew through the bumps and trips of everyday life, it would rage and boil over when I was roadblocked with real problems.
I know recognized the tendency of ungrounded logic to misguide the body. I no longer tie myself to ideas that do not resonate with my heart. I use my heart, my emotions as the indicator, the compass with which to explore the shear kaleidoscopic potential of logic. If you listen to your heart to guide your dreaming logical, the solutions you find will be real. No more painting of oneself into corners.
I do not believe emotions are illogical/irrational. I believe they are the product of a complex, and true calculation, of ones conscious and subconscious experiences. And they produce a dependable true read of: true, false, offense, affection, love, fear, deception. I heed their warnings, and eat their fruits. And when I don't understand them, I ask myself why i feel that way, Sooner or later I unravel the puzzle, I will start to understand another facet of myself.
Love,
asa
*Eventually, I personally, realised the depth of connection lovers find in committed relationship is amazing, and the theory of open sex relationships palled in comparison.
